A new name for a poker hand

I was playing in a tournament at Caesar's Palace this afternoon when somebody told me that Don Imus had been fired from his CBS radio job. By a cosmic coincidence, at exactly the same time a hand (in which I was not involved) was concluding, and one of the players turned over the queen of spades and queen of clubs.

The juxtaposition immediately triggered this thought: From now on, I will refer to the two black queens as "the nappy-headed hos."

Now, sadly, this requires a lengthy explanation/disclaimer. (Not that it will help; those determined to find offense will do so anyway, no matter how I explain my thoughts.) I am not a racist. I do not think of all black women as either nappy-headed or as hos. But I think it's ridiculous the amount of negative fallout and outrage (much of it not genuine outrage, obviously) that has come from one offhand remark by Mr. Imus. I haven't watched or listened to his show in over a year, because (1) I'm never up that early anymore, and (2) my cable doesn't have MSNBC, and I don't know of any local radio station that carries the program. But I used to watch or listen fairly regularly, and I enjoyed his antics. This is actually among the tamest things he's said, and it makes no sense for it to have engendered so much controversy.

So my intent in proposing that the QsQc be called the "nappy-headed hos" is not meant to offend anyone (although if it does, I don't much care, because I don't think that people should be troubled by things that are, in the grand scheme of the universe, so utterly trivial). I intend it as something of a political protest, that we're becoming a nation that can't laugh at itself, that positively *revels* in being offended at any off-color or edgy or ill-considered remark. The whole business is just cultural insanity.

Recycling the phrase and trying to keep it alive is my own personal way of rebelling against the insanity. Even if you think it's not funny when applied to Rutgers basketball players, it *is* funny when applied to two playing cards.

In a nation that reveres (or used to revere) freedom of speech, I consider it patriotic to keep saying the things that the censors among us tell us we should never, ever say. So I'm saying it: Nappy-headed hos, nappy-headed hos, nappy-headed hos!

It's my new favorite hand.