Who I want at the table

With apologies to Emma Lazarus.


Give me your tired, your rich,
Your hooded douchebags yearning to get even,
The wretched refuse of your donkament.
Send these, the drunk, uber-tilted to me.
I lift my Red Bull inside the Golden Nugget.


(Image found here.)

Deuce-Four haiku

While waiting for a game to start tonight at the Riviera, I was more bored than usual because they didn't have any poker magazines I hadn't already read. An idea occurred to me. OK, well, actually I shamelessly stole the idea from Pauly (here) and, more recently and specifically, Julius Goat (here). But even though both of them are better writers than I am, I knew that neither of them would or could pen a truly loving ode to the Deuce-Four. I knew that as the world's designated evangelist of the Great 2-4, the job fell on my unworthy shoulders. And so, right there in the Riviera poker room, I put pen to paper and this is what flowed out:


Just six pips total
Yet makes the nuts ev'ry time
Tiny but mighty

Play it for a raise
Flop comes four and four and deuce
Nobody suspects

Cardgrrl won't play it
Says it loses her mobneys
Unbeliever, she

Aces, kings, queens, jacks
All powerless to win hand
Drawing dead pre-flop

Praise the poker gods
For enlightening the Grump
Deuce-Four forever