Why do they have stupid people make the signs?

I spotted this sign the other day on the outside of one of the entrances to the Circus Circus hotel/casino (near the valet station). I stared at it for a while, trying to decipher its meaning, and left still uncertain.

First we have that awful apostrophe hanging out where it doesn't belong.

But then, ironically, it is the complete lack of further punctuation that leads to the ambiguity. Is it a declarative statement that only employees ask for assistance? Is it informing the reader that only employees need to ask for assistance--or even that only employees may ask for assistance?

I suppose the most likely intended sense is approximately this: "Only employees may proceed past this point. All others, please ask for assistance." Sure, that might be too wordy to fit on the sign, but they could effectively, if inelegantly, convey the same meaning simply by adding punctuation: "Employees only. Ask for assistance."

Can I trade an apostrophe for two periods?

"He hasn't played a hand all night"

The first time this happened (a few days ago at Flamingo), I didn't think much of it. But tonight I played for a while at Circus Circus (a pretty revolting place, but I'm gradually trying to get around to try all 52 or so Vegas poker rooms) and the same thing happened again.

At first blush, you wouldn't think much of it. Somebody bets, I put in a hefty raise, everybody folds, and the last guy to fold says something like, "I believe you--you haven't played a hand in hours." That was the Flamingo guy. The Circus Circus guy addressed the comment to his buddy in the next seat: "He has a real hand--he hasn't played a hand all night."

But the strange thing is that in both cases I had been at the table for less than ten minutes.

And no, they clearly were not being funny or ironic. In both cases, they really just hadn't noticed that somebody new had come into the game.

Brilliant way to inform the whole table that you're not paying any attention to who you're playing against.

Too many poker players have forgotten Mark Twain's advice: "Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."