Poker gems, #467

Pauly McGuire, in Bluff magazine, December, 2012, page 93.


There's often no logic in what happens once the dealer fans out the flop, then drops a turn card, and a river card. Because the universe has spoken and that's that. Either you make the best hand, or you don't. And if you don't have a strong hand, then you better have balls the size of a Volkswagen because that's the only way you're going to win the pot...to bully your opponent and let them know who's tougher...who's a bigger bad ass. You can't do that playing limit hold'em or playing low-limit stud with the myopic fogies reeking of mothballs and Ben-Gay. But at a no-limit table, you look a man in the eye and scare the heck out of him with a fierce movement of chips to the center of the felt.

Calacanis

Have you ever noticed that when you learn a new word, or first become aware of some person or fact, you will frequently run across the same thing again in some totally unrelated, random context very soon thereafter? I have, and I know I'm not alone.

The first time that the name "Jason Calacanis" entered my consciousness was around June 22, when I watched (a day late) the first installment of the second week of the PokerStars Big Game. He was on for that whole week.

But in the last 24 hours, I've been hit wth a Calacanis triple whammy.

First he showed up on a podcast with the Entities of Wicked Chops Poker.

Second, last night I started reading Paul McGuire's hot-off-the-press book Lost Vegas. (Order your copy here.) On page 11 Pauly is describing his first day on Media Row at the 2005 World Series of Poker. He writes of Jen Leo, "She had secured a blogging gig covering the WSOP for a new gambling site created by start-up entrepreneur Jason Calacanis." This surprised me, because I had no idea that he had been involved in the poker scene that early; his conversations on the TV show had made it sound like poker was something he had just recently taken up, but perhaps I misunderstood that. Pauly doesn't mention the site, but with a little probing around the web just now, I think that it must have been Card Squad, which is still online but announced its own demise in early 2007.

Third, I was just now reading Pauly's semi-live blog updates from yesterday, when I spotted the Calacanis name yet again--his bustout hand from the Main Event, seventh item down.

Now, to be fair, a couple of caveats are in order. First, I must have actually heard of Calacanis at least in passing prior to last month, because while digging around for this post I noticed that he was featured in Bluff magazine in the October, 2009, issue. I virtually never miss that publication, so I probably at least glanced over the article, though I'm sure I didn't read it closely. Furthermore, I see now that Wicked Chops has mentioned him at least three times before--here, here, and here; I read their stuff pretty faithfully, so my eyeballs had likely run over the name, even though it didn't stick with me. Second, these recent mentions are clearly not entirely independent of each other.

Still, it's a little freaky to have recently become aware of somebody who is not exactly a prominent player in the poker world, then see his name pop up in three different places in a 24-hour stretch. If he has a publicist, he or she is doing the job well, apparently.

Deuce-Four haiku

While waiting for a game to start tonight at the Riviera, I was more bored than usual because they didn't have any poker magazines I hadn't already read. An idea occurred to me. OK, well, actually I shamelessly stole the idea from Pauly (here) and, more recently and specifically, Julius Goat (here). But even though both of them are better writers than I am, I knew that neither of them would or could pen a truly loving ode to the Deuce-Four. I knew that as the world's designated evangelist of the Great 2-4, the job fell on my unworthy shoulders. And so, right there in the Riviera poker room, I put pen to paper and this is what flowed out:


Just six pips total
Yet makes the nuts ev'ry time
Tiny but mighty

Play it for a raise
Flop comes four and four and deuce
Nobody suspects

Cardgrrl won't play it
Says it loses her mobneys
Unbeliever, she

Aces, kings, queens, jacks
All powerless to win hand
Drawing dead pre-flop

Praise the poker gods
For enlightening the Grump
Deuce-Four forever

Shenanigans at the WSOP

Posts from the live bloggers at PokerNews, which need to be read in order. First, from last night:

Hellmuth Ends the Day With a Blow-up

Cristian Dragomir opened with a raise to 80,000 before Hellmuth made it
255,000 to go from the small blind.

"I hope he doesn't have aces," said Hellmuth as Dragomir asked for a count.
After a few moments, Dragomir made the call.

They saw a flop of 9c-10c-7s and Hellmuth checked to Dragomir, who thought
for a moment before firing a healthy bet of 300,000. Hellmuth sighed in disgust
before folding As-Kh face-up on the table.

Matusow laughed and said to Dragomir to show the bluff, and Dragomir
flipped 10d-4d! Matusow and the crowd roared in hysterics as Hellmuth jumped out
of his seat and stormed around the room berating his opponent for calling his
reraise with ten high.

"Listen buddy, you're an idiot!" screamed Hellmuth. "This is the Main Event
and you are the worst player in history!" he continued as the crowd was loving
every moment of the blow-up.

Dragomir's entourage continued to cheer as Hellmuth continued the barrage.
The TD stepped in and issued a warning to Hellmuth to settle down before
Dragomir stood up out of his chair to put Hellmuth back in his place with a cry
of, "Enough is enough!"

Fortunately for both players the clock ticked over to the end of the level,
and the end of the day's play to settle both players down. They eventually shook
hands and began to bag up their chips as Mike Matusow summed up the situation
best as he shouted, "Thank God for Phil Hellmuth! Thank God for Chris
Moneymaker!"

What a way to end the day!


Extra! Extra! Hellmuth Starts Day 6 in the Penalty Box

Everyone thought Phil Hellmuth ended the day just with a blow-up and a
warning, but that's not the case. He continued to berate Cristian Dragomir for
several minutes after the last hand we described and after floorperson Robbie
Thompson issued him a warning. That prompted Thompson to summon supervisor Steve
Frezer to the feature table. Frezer listened to Thompson's description of the
situation and then assessed Hellmuth a one-orbit penalty to start Day 6.

Never a dull moment when Hellmuth's around.

Then we move to the action early today:

Sitting This One Out

As we reported just prior to the conclusion of last night's play, Phil
Hellmuth will be serving a one-orbit penalty and sitting out the first nine
hands of play. With the blinds and antes where they are, this time-out will cost
Hellmuth a total of 81,000 chips, or roughly 11% of his total stack.

It should come as no suprise that Hellmuth starts Day 6 back at the main
ESPN featured table on the Milwaukee's Best Light stage. With just moments until
the cards are in the air, the other eight players have arrived, unbagged their
chips, and have been mic'd up by the crew, but "The Poker Brat" is nowhere in
sight.


Off the Hook

Just before the announcement of "shuffle up and deal," Hellmuth
strolled into the tournament area and took his seat. He was dealt into the first
hand which he raised from under the gun, winning the blinds and antes.

When a floor supervisor was asked about the alleged one-round penalty
Hellmuth was to serve, a reply of "it's been overruled" was given.


Phil Hellmuth's One-Orbit Penalty Overturned

Many people were surprised when Phil Hellmuth sat down at the ESPN
Featured Table and played the first hand of the day after receiving a one-round
penalty for his behavior during the final hand of play last night.

When asked why Hellmuth was not sitting out, WSOP Commissioner Jeffrey
Pollack told us, "The penalty has been overturned, and we will be issuing a
formal statement shortly."

Stay tuned for more on this development.


Official Statement from the WSOP on Phil Hellmuth's Penalty

The following statement was just released by the World Series of Poker
regarding Phil Hellmuth's penalty, which was overturned at the start of play
today:

"This morning Phil Hellmuth met with Jack Effel, WSOP Tournament Director,
Howard Greenbaum, Harrah's Regional Vice President for Specialty Gaming, and
Jeffrey Pollack, Commissioner of the WSOP. Based on that meeting and an official
review of the situation, it was decided that the penalty imposed on Mr. Hellmuth
at the conclusion of play last night was excessive."

"Warnings and penalties are intended to correct inappropriate behavior and
our rulings should be as fair as possible, given the circumstances," said
Pollack. "In this instance, the punishment did not fit the crime."

"Phil has now been warned and put on notice in a way that he never has
been," Pollack added.

This has "shenanigans" written all over it.

First, if you're Joe Ordinary Player who got assigned a penalty, could you even get a meeting with the people named in the WSOP press release? I doubt it. If asked, they would now probably say that of course they would give the same consideration to anybody similarly situated. But only a fool would believe that. It's simply not plausible. My guess is that you have to have a poker agent and/or attorney with insider connections to even be able to get a phone call returned from those guys.

Second, what the hell is the "Harrah's Regional Vice President for Specialty Gaming" doing in that meeting? When did he become part of the tournament staff in charge of enforcement of tournament rules? Answer: Never. He's not. The WSOP's own rules for 2008 specify, at #98: "The Tournament Supervisor's, or highest authority in the room, decision is final." Doesn't mention that the "Harrah's Regional Vice President for Specialty Gaming" gets involved. Maybe "final" means "subject to us changing our minds later if we fear that television revenue might drop as a result of the previously not-really-final decision." Maybe it depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is.

The obvious and pretty much inescapable conclusion from his meddling in this mess is that the primary question they had under consideration was not "What is fair?" or "What do the rules say?" or "What is the right thing to do here?" or "How have we treated other players with similar outbursts?" but rather "What is best for Harrah's?" What they clearly decided was best for Harrah's was to minimize the chance that Hellmuth would be eliminated from the tournament before reaching the final table, as he would be a big draw for TV ratings.

Third, how is it, exactly, that screaming (assuming that PN is reporting accurately here) to one's opponent that he is an idiot and the worst player in history is not deserving of a one-round sit-out, which is the mildest penalty they have to impose? WSOP 2008 Rule 35 reads, in relevant part, "Any player who directs any profane and/or abusive language at another player, dealer or tournament staff member or who makes any profane and/or abusive comments about another player, dealer or tournament staff member will be penalized in accordance with Rules No. 31 and/or 51." Note the word "will" there. Not "may be penalized," but "will be penalized." It is mandatory. We have to conclude, then, that in the opinion of the highest WSOP brass, screaming that your opponent is an idiot and the worst player in poker somehow does not constitute "abusive language" or "abusive comments." I'd love to hear them explain that.

Finally, what's this business about Hellmuth now being on notice? Is there anybody in the poker world who had already had more warnings, or had more behavioral penalties imposed than Phil Hellmuth? Are we seriously to believe that the WSOP directors concluded that maybe he just didn't know what the rules were, or what proper conduct required, and thus was deserving of just a warning instead of an actual penalty. What complete bullshit.

This is not the only way in which Hellmuth has been placed above the WSOP rules. As documented by California Jen at Pokerati here, Hellmuth alone was given a pass for the huge UltimateBet logo on his shirt that clearly exceeded the explicit tournament rules.

This is reminiscent of the apparently special treatment given Scotty Nguyen earlier in the series.

Shenanigans. Low, scummy, rotten, unfair, favoritism shenanigans, coming from the highest levels of authority at the WSOP.

Addendum, July 13, 2008

My habit during the WSOP has been to read the previous day's Tao of Pauly blog each morning. Following that pattern, I just now found what he wrote about the incident yesterday:

The Hellmuth saga continues...

I got confirmation that Hellmuth's appeal was based on two things...

1. It was an act for ESPN cameras.

2. He said that although he was given a warning many times before, it was
always an idle threat and nothing every happened beyond that warning. He felt as
though the timing of the penalty and that the lack of enforcement of previous
warning was also justification for it to be overruled.

Jeffrey Pollack will be issuing a statement shortly.

I think it's bullshit about the reversal on the original ruling made by
Steve Frezer. One orbit? It was peanuts. Hellmuth should have taken it like a
man. And Harrah's should not have gotten involved. Why stir the pot on such a
minor thing in an almost flawless WSOP main event? Talk about stepping in
dogshit one block before you walk into church.

Harrah's dropped the ball there. Double standard? Hell yes. If that
incident did not have a named pro or a celebrity like Hellmuth involved, the
obnoxious out of line player would have been tossed much earlier. Guys like
Scotty Nguyen and Hellmuth get away with being jackoffs for the cameras. By not
enforcing the "excessive celebration" rule which they added this year, Harrah's
is abiding by a double standard. They are pretty much saying that it's perfectly
OK to do what you want. Act like an ass. As long as it is for the entertainment
purposes.

As usual, Pauly both adds information not available elsewhere and nails the commentary.

Welcome to Pauly's readers

For those of you who just clicked over here from Pauly's mention in his blog today (http://taopoker.blogspot.com/2008_02_01_archive.html#1045820767713786182#1045820767713786182), welcome.

In case you're wondering why he might be looking for me at Mandalay Bay, it's because we had briefly shared a table last week. See http://pokergrump.blogspot.com/2008/02/celebrity-sighting.html.

For the new visitors (and, heck, even for the old ones), I hope you'll browse around. There's a million or so topic labels down in the lower left corner. If you just want a sampling of what I have to say, this post is probably a good place to start: http://pokergrump.blogspot.com/2008/01/best-of-grump-so-far.html.

Celebrity sighting

I played poker Wednesday night with Dr. Pauly, one of the uber-bloggers of the poker world.

I was at Mandalay Bay from 10:20 p.m. to 12:05 a.m. (according to my records). When I sat down at the back table in seat 1, I looked around the table and noticed that the guy in seat 9 looked an awful lot like the photos I had seen of Pauly. But with the dealer to my immediate right, I couldn't get a good look. Besides, when you've only seen someone in pictures, it's hard to identify him or her confidently. If I had been keeping up with his blog (http://taopoker.blogspot.com/) lately, I would have known he was in town, which would have made me more confident of my impression.

Anyway, now I know that I was right, because he mentions this session in his entry for Thursday:

I got up and walked back to the Excalibur. Insomnia struck and I couldn't
sleep. I headed down to Mandalay Bay to play at 2am. [Note: He's a little off here.] There was one 1-2 NL table running. I sat down next to a hot thirty-something chick from Southern California that was hammered. She slurped a frozen daiquiri from Ruby Tuesdays and kept asking the dealer, "Is this my big blind?"

She didn't have too many chips. But she was bleeding off $100 at a time.
She'd rebuy. Piss it away and dig back into her Gucci purse and rebuy again. The
accent told me she was from the East Coast originally. She had mentioned that
she played at the Bike on occasion and had lived in Los Angeles. She had a rock
on her finger the size of a Titleist and she had a fake tan. I could sense the
inner emotional turmoil that drove her to drink. She was the your typical Las
Vegas drunk girl, and the perfect example of someone you want at your poker
table. Rich. Reckless. Drunk.

Drunk Girl was the mark, but we only got involved in a couple of pots
together. She kept trying to buy me a drink. I was only drank gingerale, and she
questioned my manhood. I told her that I was higher than Snoop Dog at 4:20. She
let out a wicked laugh and asked me where she could score any pot. Our dealer
was a grumpy old white guy, and yet that made him crack a smile.

Then I got to tango with Drunk Girl.

Four of us limped. I had As-3s from the small blind. The fop was A-A-8. I
checked. Drunk Girl bet. I check-raised her for half of her stack.

"I don't like you!" Drunk Girl screamed. "I thought we were friends."

"You're from L.A.," I explained. "You're used to having fake friends who
always stab you in the back or fuck you in the ass."

Drunk Girl thought that was the funniest thing she had ever heard. She
repeated the line three times. I got a warning from the dealer for dropping the
f-bomb.

"What? Why he can't say fuck?" Drunk Girl inquired.

That slowed up the hand for about five minutes as she got into a drunken
debate with the dealer over what exactly is bad and what is acceptable.

"That's a stupid fuckin' rule," Drunk Girl said.

She also got a warning. We still had a hand to play. We had to verbally
reconstruct the hand for her to get her up to speed. Drunk Girl eventually
called my bet. The turn was a 6. I bet a stack of red chips. She sighed and
picked up her cards. She showed me an 8. I didn't see the other card. She called
for her last $20. I tabled my trip Aces which held up. Rebuy!

I won another decent sized pot with Kh-Qh. One player from UTG raised. The
button called. I had re-raised from the big blind. They both called. I decided
to check-raise the Ace high flop with two hearts. I checked. UTG bet the pot.
The button folded. I check-raised for his entire stack. He tanked before he
folded his hand face up. I just showed him the Qh and I raked in the pot.

I was running good until I lost a $400 pot when I got rivered by a two
outer. My kings got snapped off by threes. That sucked. I decided to cash out.
The table was not fun anymore. Drunk Girl had left the table an hour earlier and
was probably passed out somewhere.

I was there for much of Drunk Girl's time in seat 8, and clearly remember the "I don't like you anymore" hand. She kind of annoyed me because she was never paying attention (about half the time, a friend from whatever convention she was attending was sitting or standing by her, chatting about whatever (I couldn't really hear them from my end of the table), and she just tuned out the fact that there was a poker game going on that she happened to be involved in. When she first sat down, I licked my chops, because she was clearly an easy mark, but I never got a situation in which I could take advantage.

The only hand I remember playing against Pauly was this: I had Q-Q, raised, he called from one of the blinds. Flop was A-x-x. He checked, I made a standard continuation bet. He check-raised me. I folded the queens face-up. (Note: This isn't the same hand as Pauly describes above, unless we're remembering it very differently. I don't recall getting reraised pre-flop, I don't think there was a third person in the hand, and I didn't take any time at all to fold the queens after the check-raise.)

Not very exciting.

He was running good, but I was having one of those dreadful nights when I couldn't do anything right: I called when I should have folded and vice-versa. Couldn't get a flop to match my hole cards no matter what. Lost $300 in that roughly 90 minutes. Ugh. Fortunately, those nights don't happen too often.

I'm just glad that my lackluster performance didn't become the target of one of Pauly's jibes. It would have been well-deserved, I'm afraid. My inner donkey was showing.

Nice to (sort of) meet you, Dr. P!

(Photo above used without any permission whatsoever, from http://www.lasvegasvegas.com/pokerblog/archives/2006_02.php.)