Planet Hollywood doubly annoys me

The Planet Hollywood poker room is now in the fourth different location since I moved here two years ago. Stability is not their strong suit, I guess.

The first place, back when it was still the Aladdin, was just awful--right next to the "Wheel of Fortune" slots, one of the noisiest spots you could possibly pick for a poker room. Then they moved it upstairs roughly during the transition over to the Planet Hollywood name.

When they opened the official PH room, it was fantastic. I loved the decor, the chairs were comfortable, there was lots of room between tables, but it was small enough that I could pretty much keep track of most of what was happening in the room, which I like. The location was perfect--right inside the entrance, whether you came in from the mall or from the sidewalk outside. About half of two sides of the room were walled off, the other half open to the casino. Yet I almost never found the noise and smoke bothersome. The only real downside to the location was being next to the piano lounge, where they had a horrible singer on long-term contract and karaoke some nights. But I didn't find that intolerable.

The only thing that kept me from playing there more often was the location. PH is one of the most awkward places on the Strip to get to, both because it's halfway between freeway exits (Flamingo and Tropicana), and because you have to go around to the back (Audrey Lane) to access the parking garage. Then, after parking, you have one of the two longest walks in town (the other being the MGM Grand) to reach the casino.

Last week I read on allvegaspoker.com that they had closed that lovely poker room. It had only been open for, what?, a year and a half? That's just insane. So last night I went to PH to check out the new space.

Ugh.

First, it took me forever to find it, because they haven't bothered putting up signs. (As I left, I discovered one sign that I had missed on the way in, but that was all.) This by itself gives you a pretty strong hint about how important poker is to the powers that be at PH. The new "room" is right next to the Heart lounge, which means that the horrible, constant, deep bass thrum of nightclub music permeates right through to one's rattled bones, though one gets little or nothing else of the music. I will never be able to put in long sessions there, because that noise will drive me crazy. The "room" is also just a few steps from the section of the casino called the "Pleasure Pit," where dealers dressed like the woman shown above periodically climb up on the tables and dance suggestively.

The poker tables are not even so much as roped off from the surrounding slot machines, which means that people just randomly wander between them walking from Point A to Point B--something I don't recall being a problem in any other poker room I've ever played in. I find it very distracting and intrusive. I don't mind people watching me play, but the lack of any physical barrier here means that passers-by seem to feel entitled to stand right next to the tables to observe. That I find uncomfortable.

There is zero smoke barrier. Last night it wasn't a problem, but I think that was only because it was a slow night. On a weekend, I would expect to leave reeking of other people's cigarettes, which I detest.

On my way out, I asked if this was a permanent location or only temporary, while something better is being built. I was told that it was permanent (well, obviously, "permanent" is not a word with much meaning at PH, but you know what I mean). However, there are plans to improve the isolation with some combination of half-walls and sound-deadening curtains. It's hard for me to envision how this will work, but maybe it will. Just about anything they do will be an upgrade at this point. I have dropped them from a category 3 to the ugly category 5 in my list of how smoke-free poker rooms are.

In short, they have taken one of the nicest of the small poker rooms, and turned it into another icky place that I, for one, find aesthetically awful. Horrible move, Planet Hollywood. Just horrible.


Ah, but I said in the post title that they doubly annoyed me, so you know this rant is only halfway through, right?

PH has never tracked player hours for purposes of comp dollars, the way most poker rooms do. I have been vaguely aware that one might get a food comp if one asked, but I never did. I don't really like interrupting a poker session for a meal, and, besides, most of my sessions are short enough (2-3 hours) that I don't need to. For the most part, I save up whatever comps I get and use them for eating out with friends or family, completely apart from playing poker. For this reason, I never had occasion to ask the details of getting a food comp at PH.

Last night, I was leaving at around 10 p.m., and thought that I could use a late-night snack. I have heard all sorts of good things about the deli place there called "Earl of Sandwich," so thought this would be a good occasion to try it. I asked at the desk about how to get a food comp ticket.

The floor guy told me that they required 10 hours of play for a comp. I asked whether it had to be all in one day. He said no, that much time over two or three days would work, too. This puzzled me, because I couldn't see how they would track such hours; on previous occasions, I have been told that they will not use players' club cards to track hours. So I asked whether I should check in with my club card. He said no, just tell him that I'm there playing and trying to accumulate the appropriate hours, and he'll informally keep an eye on it.

This is, in my view, actually worse than if they had no comps available at all. It means that if your pattern of hours fits their specifications (i.e., 10 hours in one or two or three days), and if you know in advance to tell somebody that you'll be wanting a comp at the end of that time, and if you put in those hours on the same floor guy's shift, and if you're lucky enough that the same person is there to notice you for two or three consecutive days, then you might get a lousy $10 comp written for you. I wonder if there is any way they could make that feel any more like groveling. Probably not.

When I got home, I checked my records. Over the past year, I've put in 14 sessions at PH, for a total of 48.3 hours, averaging 3.5 hours per visit. But there is only one PH emplyee who knows my name, and that isn't from interacting with him there, but through allvegaspoker.com functions. Then on top of that questionable customer service, after spending 48 hours there, the one time I ask about getting the smallest morsel tossed back my way, I'm told that I don't qualify, because I haven't jumped through their stupid hoops in exactly the right way--how I arrange my visits, who I talk to, etc.

I don't claim that I'm anything like a "regular" there, but I sure as hell have put in a lot more hours in their chairs than many of the tourists whose pattern of play will fit nicely into their comp requirements (long sessions and consecutive days). Yet those tourists can get a crummy sandwich comp, and I can't. That irritates me a hell of a lot more than if they just had no comps available for anybody under any circumstances. It makes me feel that my business is totally unappreciated.

If they had no comps at all, fine, I can live with that. I play at places with such policies. The $1 (or, in a few rooms, $2) per hour is a completely insignificant fraction of my income. It would be illogical to select a place to play based on the presence or absence of such a perk. If a casino offers it, sure, I'll take it. If I can get an occasional dinner out for free, why wouldn't I?

But to put in place the kind of completely arbitrary and selective requirements and barriers that PH does not only discriminates against some players who have spent more time there than others, it makes the recipient (this erstwhile recipient, anyway) feel like he is begging, rather than being given a token of the casino's appreciation. It also makes the casino look unbelievably stingy.

Planet Hollywood, your comp system sucks. And so does your new room. I'll still be showing up from time to time, because it's a consistently profitable trip, but I'll be looking forward to it a lot less, and enjoying it a lot less, than I have in the past.