"Your two pair is good"

Last night at Planet Hollywood I was on the button with 10-8 of hearts, when a tight player two seats to my right put in a pre-flop raise, to something like $12 or $15. I called, because this is the kind of hand that has a lot of sneaky potential to win a big pot against a player who has a fairly definable range of opening-raise hands. Both blinds called, as did one other guy who had limped in ahead of the raiser.

I should mention that I had successfully established a (false) image as a player who bets after the flop only when he has something. Part of how I did this was to deploy one of my favorite tricks early in the session. I raised with A-Q, and when the flop missed me I checked behind my two opponents. On the turn there was a small bet from the first player, which I and the other guy both called. It got checked around on the turn, and the first player won the showdown with pocket 6s. I showed my A-Q. I have found that giving up one small pot this way early in a session does a world of good at persuading other people that I don't just automatically fire a continuation bet on the flop if it misses me. They conclude that I'm a straightforward player, betting when I have something and playing passively when I don't. Heh heh heh!

But back to the original story, which occurred much later in the session: The flop was 10-7-3 rainbow. It got checked around to the original raiser, who bet $25. I was pretty confident from faces and body language and how cards were being held that none of the three players who checked were going to contest this pot any further, so it was going to be down to the raiser and me. I have top pair, bad kicker, no draws. but that could well be the best hand right now; if he put in his pre-flop raise with AK, AQ, AJ, KQ, KJ, QJ, 99, 88, 66, 55, 44, or 22, then I'm good. I'm only behind if he had a premium pocket pair or the unlikely 10-10, 7-7, or 3-3 with which he would now have a set. The fact that his bet was rather small compared to the pot size, I think, increases the probability that he didn't really like this flop.

My hand is unlikely to improve; it's probably as good as it's going to get. His hand, on the other hand, could easily improve with any ace or face card hitting, in which case it's going to be hard for me to continue with the hand. So it seems clear to me that a raise is in order. If I'm ahead now, I'd like to take the pot now and be done with it. If I'm behind a big pocket pair or a set already, I can probably learn that more cheaply with a raise now (when he comes roaring over the top of me) than by calling two more progressively larger bets from him on the turn and river.

So I push forward $75. Everybody else folds, as I had anticipated. My lone remaining opponent clearly hates this. He's fidgeting, counting his chips, looking puzzled. He asks, "Why bet so much?" That was a strange question, because tripling an opponent's bet is probably the single most common increment for a raise. But if you want an answer now, pal, it's simple: less than that, and I give you correct pot odds to call even if I'm ahead in the hand now, but more than that and I'm verging into territory where I'm pot-committed to shoving in the rest of my chips no matter what you do or what other cards come, and I'd rather still be able to get away from this hand if I become convinced that I'm beat. That was a stupid question, but there's your answer. It's straight out of any introductory poker book.

Anyway, he hems and haws long enough that I became quite confident that he did, in fact, have an overpair to the board--probably jacks or queens. Finally, though, he threw his cards away, saying, "Your two pair is good."

(I won't quibble with the grammar. I think "two pair" and "two pairs" are equivalent and equally valid expressions. Furthermore, at least for poker purposes, I'm willing to accept "two pair" as a singular noun phrase, so that "is" works just as well as "are" in that spot. It's not clearly correct, but it's not clearly erroneous, either.)

I've taken a long time to get here, but the point of this rant is about his last comment. It's far from the first time I've heard such a thing. In fact, just a few days ago at the Rio I had J-10 with a flop of 8-9-10. I bet. A very loose-aggressive frequent bluffer raised. I reraised, because I thought he was trying to represent a monster with nothing. He immediately mucked, saying, "Your straight is good."

Note that in both cases, the assertion of what I had was wrong. In my experience, that's usually the case with this kind of statement.

Why do people say this? I can think of a few reasons, none of them very good.

1. It's a ploy to get me to reveal my hand. Maybe they think that if they correctly name what I have, I'll be impressed and show them confirmation of their read. Conversely, perhaps they figure that if they get it wrong, I'll be tempted to show them that they misdiagnosed the situation, and get a free look. Well, for me at least, you're wrong either way, if that's your motivation. I find the comment so stupid and irritating that you're definitely not going to get rewarded with cheap information. If you want to see what I had, the best way to do it is to show your own cards as you fold; I'll often reciprocate the gesture. But I won't be goaded into it.

2. It's face-saving. If you say something like "Your straight is good," it conveys the impression that you had something that could only be beat by a straight, like trips or two pair--whether that's what you really had or not. This is a stupid motivation, because nobody is going to believe you on your word unless you show.

3. It's an attempt to show off your hand-reading acumen. Again, a stupid motivation, because you're just as likely to be wrong as right, in which case I've learned that I can easily fool you. Worse, somebody might show the entire table just how far off you were--not exactly good for your image.

An even more annoying variant of this is when the player mucks while saying "Nice bluff." Hey, moron--if it's a bluff, you're supposed to call or raise, not fold! This is clearly an attempt to have it both ways: not lose money in case you're actually behind, but save some face if the opponent turns over a bluff. Again, this certainly won't work on me, because I'm not inclined to reward you for saying something so stupid.

Last year at the Hilton, early enough in a session that I didn't know the opposition, I had 9-8 in position, and the flop was 8-8-7. I liked this a lot. A woman across the table bet, and I raised. She called. On the flop she checked, so I fired again. She check-raised me. She looked extremely serious about taking this pot. I concluded that I must be behind, even though I had liked it up until that moment. I folded face-up while saying, "OK, I guess you must have the last 8 and a better kicker." She exposed 7-7 (for a flopped full house) as she raked in the chips. I said something like, "Wow, even better. Nice hand."

I got out of that not only a free look at her cards (and thus some insight into her play), but also managed to advertise to the rest of the table that (1) I had a real hand, so they had better not play back at me without a monster, (2) I'm capable of folding a big hand when necessary, and (3) I'm a nice, conciliatory guy, not an egotistic jerk who gets upset at losing. Of course, she got good advertising out of it, too.

Can you see the difference between this and the usual curmudgeonly "Your two pair is good" kind of declaration?