The screen capture of Elliott Gould from "California Split," which I just finished watching (see post immediately below; http://pokergrump.blogspot.com/2008/04/two-gambling-related-movies.html) reminded me of something I've been meaning to grumble about here for a long time: The Toothpick People.
This isn't just a poker phenomenon; you can see them everywhere. But it especially bugs me at the poker table, because of being in such close proximity to one's fellow man for extended periods of time.
What is the deal with the toothpicks? I understand if you've just been to dinner, but if so, then do what you need to do with the toothpick (away from the poker table, please; we don't want or need to see what you're digging out of your cavities), dispose of it, and get on with your life. But obviously that's not the majority of what we're witnessing. We're seeing people who just have some sort of strange oral fixation on small wooden objects, and I find that completely incomprehensible.
Have you never seen the damage inflicted when somebody falls, or accidentally gets bumped in the face while suckling on one of these things? I have, and it's not pretty. There have also been reports in medical journals of ruptured intestines when one of them gets accidentally swallowed (people think they can take a swig of their beer with the toothpick in place without taking it down, and they're right most of the time, but it's that one out of a thousand that'll get ya). Yes, it's a pretty small thing as the menaces of the world go, but since there is no upside to it, why accept any risk at all?
Why do you guys do this? What do you get out of it? Well, splinters in the gums, a soggy toothpick, and worn-down teeth--but beyond those rich rewards, what is there in this vile little practice for you to enjoy?
If I ran a poker room, the list of rules would not just be a poster on the wall--the list would be so long it would become the very wallpaper. No smoking, no chewing tobacco, no toothpicks in the mouth. That'd be a good place to start.
You people disgust me. No, not just you Toothpick People. You all disgust me, every last one of you, in some way or another. It's just a matter of time before I've made a blog post of the particular form my disgust for each of you takes. Maybe back when I started writing this stuff I should have thought to call myself the Poker Misanthrope, instead of the Grump.
(Feeling especially churlish today, in case you couldn't tell. I have a headache. Go away and leave me alone. Grrrrrrrrrr.)
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
The Toothpick People
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2 comments:
Got one possibility for you about toothpicks. My grandfather was a smoker for 30-40 years and finally quit in his 60's. One of the only ways he was able to quit was by constantly having a toothpick in his mouth for the oral fixation. I'd argue that in this case, it is better than the alternative. But this was over 15 years ago, before all the nicorette and other stuff.
Hey, this is an awsome blog, this is my first time commenting since I usually just read. You should keep up the good work, I think you will be making tons of money soon off of this blog if you aren't already!
Cheers
-Luis
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