Poker dozens

It all started innocently enough. The geniuses behind "The Micros" series of animated poker adventures sent out two Tweets, from out of nowhere:

@TheMicros
Yo mama so dumb she called a river shove with bottom two on a four-flush board. #PokerSnapFight

@TheMicros
Yo mama so dumb she thinks a stack of chips comes in a Pringles can. #PokerSnapFight

And that was all it took to unleash an all-day game of the dozens, played by, well, dozens of Micros fans.

Here are the ones that I thought best. (Apologies in advance to anybody whose mama is, in fact, outrageously fat, dumb, broke, poor, ugly, nasty, or skanky, and who therefore takes personal offense at the following.)

@TheMicros
Yo mama so fat that when she busts out of a cash game the dealer shouts "Seats open at 6, 7, and 8." #PokerSnapFight

@PokercastAdam
Your mama's underarms are so hairy it looks like she's got Elix Powers in a headlock #PokerSnapFight

@EponymousPoker
Yo mama's so poor, she posted the big blind on layaway. #PokerSnapFight

@EponymousPoker
Yo mama's so poor, she bought in with food stamps. #PokerSnapFight

@EponymousPoker
Yo mama's so ugly, when she looked at her pocket kings, they had their eyes closed. #PokerSnapFight

@antlionheart
yo mamma's so fat they won't let her straddle the button anymore #pokersnapfight

@EponymousPoker
Yo mama's so fat, she plays Pot-Limit Nebraska. #PokerSnapFight

@EdMillerPoker
Yo mama so broke she was begging for a buyin to a freeroll. #PokerSnapFight

@Fakewillfailla
Your momma so fat, she called for a rack and the floor man brought her ribs. #PokerSnapFight


I confess that I, too, got a bit caught up in the spirit of things. Yes, I'm 12 years old.

@PokerGrump
Yo mama so fat, when the game is HORSE, they throw a saddle on her back. #PokerSnapFight

@PokerGrump
Yo mama so fat, when she went on a heater, it broke. #PokerSnapFight

@PokerGrump
Yo mama so dumb, when the dealer called for player's checks, she thought they were bringing her cereal. #PokerSnapFight

@PokerGrump
Yo mama so fat, she's got more folds than @AllenKessler. #PokerSnapFight

@PokerGrump
Yo mama so broke, she can't even give a free card. #PokerSnapFight

@PokerGrump
Yo mama so fat, the only way she can get to the table is a slowroll. #PokerSnapFight

@PokerGrump
Yo mama so nasty, all the other players can smell her even when she plays online. #PokerSnapFight


Good thing I'm not going back to school to face an essay assignment on how I spent my summer.