Sunday, June 13, 2010

Poker is a gateway crime, obv

I was intrigued by the numerous references to poker in this Associated Press news story about Joran van der Sloot.

First, of course, is that he was in Peru to play in a poker tournament. (I have heard conflicting things about whether it was the LAPT or one of lesser prominence going on at the same time, though it hardly matters.)

Second, he and his victim, Stephany Flores, apparently engaged in an extended session of casino poker (plus drinking) before retiring to the hotel room.

Third, he claims that the two of them were playing online poker on his laptop when he got a message that led to the fight in which Flores was murdered.

Fourth, his Facebook page is said to have listed things he likes, including Texas Hold'em poker.

Fifth, in his profile for an online dating site he claims to have retired from being a professional card player.

Sixth, his YouTube profile says he is a professional poker player, and gives his favorite book as Barry Greenstein's Ace on the River. (Maybe Barry will sign a copy for him when he visits him in prison next time he's in Peru.)

Seventh is this sentence: "'He likes to think of himself as a gambler, but he's a loser,' said Harold Copus, a former FBI agent who worked as a private investigator for Holloway's family." It's not clear whether he has information that van der Sloot was actually a losing player at poker (live or online), but that does seem to be the implication.

In any event, it's crystal clear from this information that playing poker leads to serial killing. Just one more reason to ban the game. (This conclusion provided for the convenience of Senator Jon Kyl and the rest of his ilk. You're welcome.)


Memphis MOJO said...

Van der Sloot eats breakfast. He's also a serial killer. Eating breakfast leads to serial killing. It's obvious.

Rakewell said...

I thought you were going to say that eating breakfast leads to cereal killing.

Cardgrrl said...

He's a cereal killer, obv.