Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Notes on my first urban bike ride in 30 years

I note that it is the ungodly hour of not-yet-9:00-a.m., and I am back from my first ride on my new bike.

I note that I rode for approximately 45 minutes, and went about 5 miles.

I note that I am hot, sweaty, and [sniffs to check], yes, stinky.

I note that over the past hour I have gained a keen awareness of which areas around downtown Las Vegas are "uphill" and which are "downhill," facts which had escaped my notice over the previous six years of driving.

I note that I have a strong preference for "downhill."

I note that the public policy most urgently in need of being addressed this election year is a constitutional amendment banning "uphill." As a laudatory side effect, this will create countless jobs for bulldozer and road grader operators.

I note that neither Obama nor Romney is saying a damn thing about this. Gary Johnson is an avid cyclist and triathlete. Maybe he'll do the job.

I note that these "uphill" and "downhill" things are not marked on the city's map of bike routes. Perhaps this could be addressed in the same constitutional amendment.

I note that potholes are much more evil than I had previously thought.

I note that one should not forget to take water along on these trips.

I note that I do not suddenly feel younger, as if having drunk from the fountain of youth. On the contrary, I estimate that I used up ten years of my cardiac lifespan.

I note that if somebody could bring me an IV with some sort of life-force-restoring elixir in it, I would be most appreciative. I'll just be over there on the bed, passed out. Stick the needle in any convenient vein.

I note that bicycles should come with a free, 24-hour on-call masseuse for the post-ride muscle soreness, which I am feeling already.

I note that, appearances notwithstanding, this is not about to morph into Bob's Biking Blog. This is but a temporary diversion.


THETA Poker said...

I note that it will get easier each time.

I note that eventually you will be able to bike faster than the average New York City pedestrian walks.

I note that your heart will thank you in the long run, and your legs and brain will benefit as well.

Anonymous said...

I note that this post made me literally laugh aloud to my desktop in work.

Anonymous said...

Erm, that previous comment was from me.


MisterFred said...

One of the things I love about BBB is Bob's humor. He always brings a smile when he posts. Keep riding Bob! It's worth it - for your readers at least.

darrelplant said...

I pity you biking in Vegas. It's one thing to cycle in the temperate climes of the Pacific NW, but someplace where it doesn't get below 85 at night in the summer? Brutal.

Anonymous said...

Be safe and keep riding, Grump. Worth it in every way (including your poker game.)

FlushDraww said...

LMFAO Bro you are hillarious. Awesome post!

Wine Guy said...

Please feel free to do a lap for me next time. I'll have a celebratory coffee and pastry for you..

Michael said...

Just wait for the high wind days and you figuring out which path to take in order to go with wind vs against, another aspect of riding as a child I never noticed, but now as an adult am acutely aware.

Big-O said...

I recommend.