Anything for a buck

Last night I was reading an article about how atheists have a dearth of stuff they can buy with their stamp of non-faith on it (http://www.reason.com/news/show/123017.html). The author, Greg Beato, points out that you can't buy a Madalyn Murray O’Hair action figure, or atheist yo-yos or perfume.

This sentence caught my attention in particular: "In fact, the Lord has called so many believers to spread the Good News via faith-based salt scrubs and godly poker chips during the last few decades that the annual U.S. market for Christian-themed products, often dismissed as “Jesus junk,” is now $4.6 billion." (Emphasis added.)

"Godly poker chips"? Surely that was just a cute rhetorical flourish, right? But the more I thought about it, the more likely it seemed to me that, yeah, somebody, somewhere probably really did make such a thing. And, as you can see above, somebody actually did. You can order them at http://tinyurl.com/2gh2s4, though I'm not sure why you would want to.

I also quickly came across the other half of what you'd need for a full-blown, full-gospel home poker game: the scripture cards (http://tinyurl.com/2btqr6), which, conveniently, you can get in either King James Version or New International Version.

Some things just don't go together. Like ketchup-filled doughnuts. Like "Remember: No Premarital Sex" brand beer for sale at spring break destinations. Like "Never Squeak" grease to put on your car's brakes. A friend back in Minnesota liked to collect bizarre patents, and his favorite was a combination sunscreen and lock de-icer. (You may have to think about that one for a second.)

There's just something fundamentally incongruous about mixing poker with a proselytizing message. It's as strange as, say, seeing an ad for First Church of the Brethren in the back of an issue of Hustler magazine, or "Praise the Lord" vodka in the corner liquor store, or a Christians-only brothel in Pahrump.

I don't ask to play poker in the back row of your church, so please don't inject your attempts to save my soul into a poker game.