It's official: I'm a moron

Despite excellent grades in school and on various intelligence tests, I have, in fact, always harbored secret doubts that deep down, I'm actually a moron. Well, there is no longer any need to wonder. The proof is in.

I was just playing a HORSE tournament on Full Tilt. The screen shot above shows the result, though the down cards are scrambled; just reverse the Ah and the 8h and you'll have it as it actually occurred.

I had the bring-in, then made a loose call of the completion, basically just hoping for the low half of the pot. Fourth street was a good card for me, giving me four to a low, plus three to a wheel and three to a flush--enough good potential to call one small bet, especially since only one other player (Lord Jaborg) had a possible low going, and that wasn't as good as mine, and since he was the aggressor, it seemed unlikely that was his direction.

Fifth street completed my low. It didn't help my straight or flush possibilities, but since I now clearly had either the best or the only low, from this point on I raised at every opportunity. The Kh on 6th just egged me on more, with the nice flush draw.

Seventh street seemed like I might have hit the perfect card, giving me the ace-high flush to go with my probable low winner. I was definitely thinking there were scoop possibilities here. We capped it yet again.

When the hands were opened, I immediately saw Jaborg's quads, which obviously killed my scooper. Oh well, I thought--half of that huge pot is good enough.

I was puzzled when the whole thing went his way, and nothing to me. I had to open the "last hand" window and scrutinize it to figure out what had gone wrong. I thought Jaborg must have snuck in a better low on the river. I counted his low cards: a 5, a 6, a 7, and an 8--only four of them. That can't be it.

Finally, finally, it dawned on me. THIS WAS STRAIGHT STUD, NOT STUD 8 OR BETTER!!!!

That's right. I put in virtually all of the 1635 chips with which I started this hand (and would gladly have put in the remainder, if the betting structure had allowed it) without knowing what game we were playing, putting all my confidence in a hand which is of no value in this particular form of poker.

And that, my friends, is a more accurate IQ test than any I have taken before, I'm afraid.

Come to think of it, is there any category lower than "moron"?


Full hand history below, for those who want to scrutinize my every boneheaded decision.



Full Tilt Poker Game #21374042163: $4,000 Guarantee (164597496), Table 15 - 60/120 Ante 10 - Limit Stud Hi - 23:06:50 ET - 2010/06/04
Seat 1: xkm1245 (1,705)
Seat 2: Lord Jaborg (2,675)
Seat 3: Satans Potatoes (1,635)
Seat 4: j pepper (1,910)
Seat 5: taps1961 (1,825)
Seat 6: Rakewell (1,635)
Seat 7: wallythegh (1,930)
Seat 8: ABetty (5,240)
xkm1245 antes 10
Lord Jaborg antes 10
Satans Potatoes antes 10
j pepper antes 10
taps1961 antes 10
Rakewell antes 10
wallythegh antes 10
ABetty antes 10
*** 3RD STREET ***
Dealt to Lord Jaborg [7s]
Dealt to Satans Potatoes [9d]
Dealt to j pepper [Jd]
Dealt to taps1961 [9h]
Dealt to Rakewell [8h Ad] [3h]
Dealt to wallythegh [Qc]
Dealt to ABetty [9c]
Dealt to xkm1245 [Ac]
Rakewell is low with [3h]
Rakewell brings in for 20
wallythegh calls 20
ABetty calls 20
xkm1245 calls 20
Lord Jaborg completes it to 60
Satans Potatoes calls 60
j pepper calls 60
taps1961 folds
Rakewell calls 40
wallythegh calls 40
ABetty calls 40
xkm1245 calls 40
*** 4TH STREET ***
Dealt to Lord Jaborg [7s] [8c]
Dealt to Satans Potatoes [9d] [6s]
Dealt to j pepper [Jd] [Th]
Dealt to Rakewell [8h Ad 3h] [2h]
Dealt to wallythegh [Qc] [5d]
Dealt to ABetty [9c] [4c]
Dealt to xkm1245 [Ac] [5s]
xkm1245 checks
Lord Jaborg has been disconnected
Lord Jaborg has reconnected
Lord Jaborg bets 60
Satans Potatoes calls 60
j pepper calls 60
Rakewell calls 60
wallythegh calls 60
ABetty calls 60
xkm1245 folds
*** 5TH STREET ***
Dealt to Lord Jaborg [7s 8c] [5c]
Dealt to Satans Potatoes [9d 6s] [Qh]
Dealt to j pepper [Jd Th] [8d]
Dealt to Rakewell [8h Ad 3h 2h] [6c]
Dealt to wallythegh [Qc 5d] [Ts]
Dealt to ABetty [9c 4c] [Qs]
wallythegh checks
ABetty checks
Lord Jaborg bets 120
Satans Potatoes calls 120
j pepper calls 120
Rakewell raises to 240
wallythegh folds
ABetty folds
Lord Jaborg raises to 360
Satans Potatoes folds
j pepper calls 240
Rakewell raises to 480
Lord Jaborg calls 120
j pepper calls 120
*** 6TH STREET ***
Dealt to Lord Jaborg [7s 8c 5c] [7d]
Dealt to j pepper [Jd Th 8d] [Jh]
Dealt to Rakewell [8h Ad 3h 2h 6c] [Kh]
j pepper checks
Rakewell bets 120
Lord Jaborg raises to 240
j pepper calls 240
Rakewell raises to 360
Lord Jaborg raises to 480
j pepper calls 240
Rakewell calls 120
*** 7TH STREET ***
Dealt to Rakewell [8h Ad 3h 2h 6c Kh] [Ah]
j pepper checks
Rakewell bets 120
Lord Jaborg raises to 240
j pepper calls 240
Rakewell raises to 360
Lord Jaborg raises to 480
j pepper calls 240
Rakewell calls 120
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Lord Jaborg shows [7h 7c 7s 8c 5c 7d 6d] four of a kind, Sevens
j pepper mucks
Rakewell mucks
Lord Jaborg wins the pot (5,300) with four of a kind, Sevens
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 5,300 Rake 0
Seat 1: xkm1245 folded on 4th St.
Seat 2: Lord Jaborg showed [7h 7c 7s 8c 5c 7d 6d] and won (5,300) with four of a kind, Sevens
Seat 3: Satans Potatoes folded on 5th St.
Seat 4: j pepper mucked [As Td Jd Th 8d Jh 8s] - two pair, Jacks and Tens
Seat 5: taps1961 folded on 3rd St.
Seat 6: Rakewell mucked [Ah Ad 3h 2h 6c Kh 8h] - a flush, Ace high
Seat 7: wallythegh folded on 5th St.
Seat 8: ABetty folded on 5th St.