Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Poker Mad Libs

Remember Mad Libs? Well, I just had a great idea for a new variation on the theme. That's right: Poker Mad Libs.

For example:

Phil Hellmuth is playing poker on [cable TV channel]. In this hand, Phil's opponent is [famous poker player], who is a far better player than Phil, but whom Phil refers to as a [animal]. Phil has [strong poker hand]. [Famous poker player] has [crappy poker hand]. Phil raises [number] times the big blind. [Famous poker player] calls.

Phil [checks in the dark; sorry, there is no choice here]. The flop is [three cards]. [Famous poker player] bets [dollar amount]. Phil calls.

Phil [checks in the dark again; again, sorry, but there can be no alternatives here]. The turn is [card]. [Famous poker player] bets [dollar amount]. Phil starts [select one: fidgeting, muttering, talking to himself, asking other players to shut up for one goddamn minute while he gets a read]. After [number] minutes, he calls.

He [checks in the dark; c'mon, by now you know there is no other plausible option]. The river is [card]. [Famous poker player] bets [dollar amount]. Phil says [expletive]. Phil makes a disparaging reference to [famous poker player]'s [select one: mother, nationality, ridiculous good luck, atrocious play]. Phil recounts [select one: how the hand played out, all the previous hands in which he has gotten unlucky against this player, how unfair the world is to him]. Phil reminds his opponent that [select one: he has 11 WSOP bracelets, he is 10,000 levels above his opponent in poker thinking, he always slow-plays his monster hands in order to trap]. Phil announces that his opponent is a [adjective] [animal].

Finally, after [number] minutes, Phil [select one: calls into the nuts, folds the winner]. Upon seeing [famous poker player]'s cards, Phil throws a [object], then [select one: curls up into a fetal position, walks off the set, challenges him to a heads-up cash game that will never take place]. In a later interview, he blames his loss on [select one: the dealer, the other players distracting him, the TV show's producer, the sun being in his eyes].

When Phil recounts the hand for his Card Player magazine column, he will say that his own play was [select one: brilliant, amazing, fucking brilliant, fucking amazing], and that [famous poker player] was [select one: incredibly lucky, an absolute idiot, probably cheating].

I tell you, there are unlimited possibilities here. It's a million-dollar idea, and I'm just giving it away to anyone who wants to run with it. That's the kind of guy I am.


Anonymous said...

it would be funny if it wasn't true. I really cant stand Hellmuth-you are spot on with the way he behaves (misbehaves is more appropriate)

Local Rock said...

That was fun.

gadzooks64 said...


I think you just exposed every poker show producer's dream script.