Making the natives restless

I almost never engage in trash talking in the chat box when playing online. Once in a while, though, I see an opening for an exchange that will either be fun and amusing or put the other guy on tilt, which I consider to be a win-win situation. One such just occurred in one of my daily after-lunch Bodog SNGs.

First, you have to look around the table at the avatars to get the context. Click to see larger:

The player called "TunaMack" started it:

TunaMack: hey beautiful is that really ur pic

He's obviously talking to "muckitbaby," though he didn't specify, so I decided to interject. After all, you've got to admit that I make one very cute little lamb.

Rakewell: Why, yes it is, and thank you for noticing.
Rakewell: Or were you talking to Phil Ivey there?
TunaMack: talking to muck
Rakewell: You’re not into lambs?
Rakewell: Or Ivey?
Rakewell: Little lambs eat ivy.
Rakewell: I bet you don’t understand that reference.*
TunaMack: fck u and ivey
TunaMack: understand that
Rakewell: Such a sweetheart.
Rakewell: But I still think you’re either into animals or men.

Some time passes. He hasn't said anything for a while, and the urge to goad him a bit more is welling up inside me.

Rakewell: I’m sorry, Tuna, but I don’t think it would work out between a horse and a lamb.
Rakewell: You do have nice long legs, though.
Rakewell: Besides, I have so many more chips than you, I can’t see it working out between us.

Immediately after I wrote that, he was all in:

He had pocket kings, lost to “otisttd,” who had pocket 5s and flopped quads, scoring a nice triple knockout. (He and I would end up heads-up for first. I won.) The brackets around Tuna’s name after this point indicate observer status, as he was out.

Rakewell: lol
Rakewell: nh
[TunaMack]: yeah right btch
[TunaMack]: fckn rigged site
Rakewell: bye lover
[TunaMack]: fck rake u lamb fckn ******
[TunaMack]: A lamb u must b a lil btch
Rakewell: We’ll miss you. *kiss*
[TunaMack]: hey muck lets go get a drink

Notice that my initial salvo was not inflammatory or insulting by nature. If Tuna had been a laid-back, fun-loving guy, he could have taken it with a laugh and engaged in a bit of good-natured dialogue, pretending that we were our avatars. He chose, instead, to be an asshole about it. That's when I decided to have the fun all by myself, at his expense.

This incident reminded me of a nice column by Dr. Pauly for Poker Player newspaper a couple of years ago (available here), in which he discussed tactical use of the chat box:

Once in a while, if I'm feeling saucy, I'll antagonize one of the clowns in the chat box. As Sun Tzu said, "If you enemy is angry, irritate him." I like to goad them into senseless arguments. Several of my friends prepared witty responses when someone rants about their bad play. Here's an example, after you suck out on your opponent and they spew, "nice catch @%#&*!" or "nc" into the chat, I'll respond with, "Thanks. I have a large glove." One of my poker buddies, BadBlood, came up with that gem which always gets lots of laughs from the peanut gallery.

My number one response that is guaranteed to tilt a furious opponent? Type, "nonsense" into the chat. It works. One of my favorite bloggers, JuliusGoat, came up with that stunning response. He explained, "Whatever they say, just answer with 'nonsense.' This is the magic word. It's the auto-tilter."

If your opponents routinely remind you about your atrocious play, then quickly type, "Nonsense." If they call you a donkey or a fish, then respond with "Nonsense." The best way to beat a bully? Bully them back. After a while, they'll simply give up and hopefully, tilt their stack off your way.

*In case you don't get it either, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mairzy_Doats.